Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Look, I'm smiling! :D

Lately, things don't irritate me as much any more. Funny how much getting rid of something negative does to you :D 

Anyways. Yesterday, we went shopping! 
Didn't find much, but I though I'd share an outfit photo for a change. 
And ramble on incoherently for a while... 

So. Shopping. With friends. And husband. 
One of our new friends here in the middle of nowhere, is a Spanish girl. She's a dance instructor at an adult education center, and since I've been sorta gagging to instruct a course, too, she took me there, and showed me around a bit, and pointed toward a lady who manages courses. 
I talked to the lady a bit, with a big smile and not much sense, and she said she might get back to me. 

Before, I would have been out of my mind with dread over the meeting, but now I was just a bit nervous. It was so nice, being able to smile and chat <3

And I wore clothes. 
Had a reason to dress up for a change, to show off my mad skills. 
Skirt, waist corselet, hat: Heather Wielding Originals
Top: Only, second hand

The hat I wore is way old... I got it when I was in high-school (still don't know how lukio translates exactly), wore it a couple of times, and forgot it in my closet.
After a few years, I found it, dusted it off, and turned it purdier. 
I've been thinking about updating it a bit, but... well, I've been a bit preoccupied :D 

Lovely mess in the background, sorry... 

Bookwise, Dragons is, for a change, coming out nicely. Not long to go, I've already written the ending, and now I'm just filling in some gaps. 
I'm getting a wicked-cool cover for it, too. My sister-in-law's making it <3 

Oh, and I came up with a really cool idea! 
I know there are a lot of craftsy people out there, and some who want to get their hands dirty with altering clothes and stuff, but don't know where to begin. To help them along, I'm thinking... tutorials! 
Simple, illustrated tutorials for quick, easy projects for a small compensation. Love it? I do! 

Wednesday, March 6, 2013


Had X-rays done today. 
I've had a bit of a long day, so forgive me if I trail. Also, internet is really slow today, thanks to a huge snow storm outside, so I can't check the correct form of writing words. And stuff. 

Long day. Woke up @8ish, after about 5 hrs of sleep, and allowed my computer to take my mind off things waiting in the near future. I've been an ubuntu-girl for years, but Y-day, as I upgraded to the latest distro, I got a really nasty surprise. 
They'd switched to unity-based things, and ubuntu was super heavy and quite difficult to manage. 
So I installed windows. 
It was easier than I remembered, and my computer turned out to be a wicked source of POWER ;D 
I get to install Oblivion next, and play when I'm bored <3

So. Trying to stick to the subject here. 
I was dreading the day a bit, had to ask husband what I should wear. He always picks pants, so I wore pants. And a blouse. And shoes. 
You probably get the idea. Clothes. 
The hospital (I haven't been to hospital since I was born, other than to visit people) was an hour's drive away. Too much time to think. 
We were early, and after I'd announced myself, a nurse came out, like, straight away, and told me to come on through, please. 

They took X-rays and an ultrasound. I haven't had X-rays done on my breasts before, and oh boy, it was not nice, not one bit. The nurse frowned upon me smiling tightly and telling her it was a tad uncomfortable, and made me feel like a bit of a wimp. 
The ultrasound was a breeze after that, the gel was cold and it tickled, but hey, no problemo. 
The doctor was a man. A tall man with a rough handshake. He was clinical, treated me like I wasn't really a real person, and I kinda like that in a doctor. 
Anyways, I was lying there on the table, trying to see the screen, and it took FOREVER for the doctor to say anything. 
It took so long I was starting to panic, and then he just sorta blurted out that it's most likely a fibriosomethingortheother. I forget. 
Anyway, I repeated the word, and asked what the heck that is, and the doctor said it's a benign growth, quite common. 

I didn't cry. Or faint. Or anything. 
Had to bite my lip, though, to fight back tears of relief ;D 

So. He studied the screen for a while more, and then he said he'd like to take a sample just to make sure. 

I wanted to say no, but didn't. 
So out come the needles, the big, pointy things that go SNAP. 
It was a bit scary, but not really, not after hearing it was just a precaution. There was a pinch, and a strange sensation of anesthetic flowing in, and then a strange sensation of a needle moving around inside. Not nearly as horrible as the X-ray :|

So. After, the nurse (there were two, actually) told me i can't have a shower in two days, and I was like OMG what am I going to do, and then we all laughed that shaky, relieved, almost hysterical, a bit too high laughter. 

Just a cyst. Nothing to worry about. 

So. Husband was nice enough to drive me there. He was waiting in the car so we wouldn't get a ticket, and I had to make my own way back. Didn't get lost, didn't even faint from not eating all day. I found him, and told him they took pictures and said it's benign and THEN they took out a needle and now leftie's all numb and I can't have a sauna for two whole days and now I'm thirsty. 

So we went to buy snacks and lemonade, and ogled at lizards and bunnehs at the petstore, and then we went to flea markets. I bought a top and a skirt and fabric, and now I'm thirsty again. 

Last week was a bit horrible. Glad it's over. 
I didn't know, actually, that I'd get the results straight away, so I'm a bit, like, huh? what just happened? Not in a bad way, though. It's like waking up from a nightmare, in a way. 

Of course, there still is the slight chance of everyone having misdiagnosed me, but I'm not going to start fretting about that. As far as I'm concerned, it's nothing but a cyst. 

There was a deep hole of pitch-black terror in the pit of my stomach. 
It's gone now.  

EDIT 20.3.2013
Got a phone call from the health care center this "morning". I called in on Monday to get my results, caught a nurse on her lunch break, got an irritated "I'll call you back", and today I learned they'd been trying to reach me since then. They'd written my number down wrong, and they had to call Husband TWICE to get it. 

Turns out it's not fibrioadenoma like the doctor at the ultra sound said. 
In stead, it's just ligament having an identity crisis or what-not. 
There's no need to remove it, no need for follow-up X-rays (I get to keep an eye on it, of course, and if it starts acting up, I'll have to get it checked out again) and no need to worry about it anymore.The nurse said it might even go down on it's own.

What an anti-climax. Here I was, thinking I'd die, if not because of lumpy, at least on the operating table, and turns out all I get is a tiny little scar from a very big needle, and a valuable lesson on what it's like to be really-truly afraid. 

Then again... I love it when things like this end in an anti-climax <3