Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Today. Tomorrow. Past Tense.

10 Years Ago... 
Unhappy me. 
Broken, lost and lonely. 
Dreamless, hopeless, in ruins. 
Wrote the first draft of the Witch Hunt. 
Tried to survive the wreckage of a band and a relationship. 

5 Years Ago... 
Lived in Jyväskylä. 
First year as a Wife. 
Life was good. 
Slow, but good. 
Flat was too small, though :D

3 Years Ago... 
Empty, meaningless life @ Tampere. 
A ghost to everyone, invisible, faceless. 
Memories of that time are vague now, like traces of a dream you start forgetting the moment you wake up. 
A small flat, non-stop noise, kitchen the size of a stamp. 
Too many bars, too many cold-hearted people. 

1 Year Ago... 
Was spending my first autumn in the country, loving every breath. 
Well, almost... the unemployment office tried to force me into taking a useless, pointless waste-of-time-course, and i had to tell them to back off, i iz going into business for myself. 
Made a lot of plans. 
Started getting a degree, my first ever. 
Did a lot of shopping :D

This Year... 
Started my business
Did a lot of sewing. 
Realized i suck at marketing :D
Cut my hair short to get to my own color faster. 
Made many, many new friends <3

Yesterday I... 
Sewed violet fake-fur. 
Did the hoovering after :D
Had a sauna. 
Went out to have a smoke late at night, heard something moving in the bushes, and ran back inside :D 
Slept in clean sheets <3

Today I... 
Made myself a new kimono
Ate too much cheese. 
Had a sauna, again. 
Came up with the best jewelry-idea ever. 
Watched the rain fall outside, outlined by a lamp it's like a rain of diamonds <3

Tomorrow I will... 
Make myself banana bread for breakfast. 
Try out the best jewelry-idea ever ;D
Write? Probably. 
Start reading Sinuhe. Again. 
Hang out on the interweb and make myself a nice dinner. Quality time home alone, since hubby's at school :D

The Day After Tomorrow... 
Friday? I'll have to decide whether to go to sister's place or not. 
If we'll go, i'll play with the best kid ever. 
Watch Teletubbies with her. 
Have a sauna, maybe. 
Be in charge of being in everybody's way :D

One Year From Now... 
I'll still be doing what i love best: writing and sewing and eating too much cheese. Hopefully, successfully. 
I guess I'll still be living in the countryside. 
I'm not one for making long term plans. 
My plans have a tendency of turning out pear-shaped. 
Come what may, i'll take it, and make the best of it <3

Found this challenge on Insanity's blog
Take it. 
Think. 
Don't hurt yourself <3

Saturday, September 22, 2012

101

I've been thinking a lot about blogging lately. 
I got new readers (welcome new readers), and that sent me wondering if i'm, like, any good at this. 
If only self-esteem came in boxes like wine, and you could just pick one up at the corner store, take it home, and have a glass of it while watching TV... 

Anyways, as thinking usually gets me in trouble, i decided to quit, and just continue like nothing happened. 
Business as usual, that is, lots of talk about me with no pics :D 

So. 
I've started to like violet all of a sudden. 
I've bought two tops in violet, made a shrug and a dress, and another dress, and then i realized i wanted my nails violet, too. 
So i took what was left of blue and red varnish, and poured the blue in with the red. 
I actually had a dream of doing it :D 
Didn't turn out violet. I got plum. 
Plum's OK, but it ain't violet. 

Kaiken pitää yhtäkkiä olla violettia
Sekoitin sinisen ja punaisen kynsilakan jämät saadakseni violettia, mutta lakka jäi luumunpunaiseksi
Voe voe, sano
Pitää ostaa violettia

The latter dress i made from an old shirt i found at a flea market. It was velvet, with a floral print, and i couldn't resist. 
When sewing for myself, i often upcycle. Pick up discarded clothes and turn them into something completely different. Not because it's a way of trying to help the environment, but because it's fun. An outlet to my artistic needs, so to speak. 
(story of the dress can be found here)

Speaking of art, i've managed to find time to write in between my strives of painting the world violet. Dragons soar the skies, and this morning, i think i saw an old friend on the pages of the book. 
Strange how that happens sometimes... you start a book, write the first 20K, and realize that even though you thought you were in a new place, the scenery's familiar. And then you bump into someone you thought you left behind when you closed the last book. 
It's funny, writing, like looking into a dream half-forgotten, reaching into a world you know is there, but you just can't find a way in. Falling through a rabbit-hole, that's what it's like, and underneath, a wonderland awaits, only you never stop falling. 

So. 
Been shopping. I do that sometimes XD 
Anyways. 
Been looking for sensible walking shoes since my Horseflies fell apart four years ago. I wanted a bit of heel, a chunky sole, and platform. 
You'd think shoes like that are quick to find, but i'm picky. And busy. I don't want to waste time hunting something down, i want it to Come To Me. 
These babies Came To Me <3 
I was leafing through Goottikirppis @ faceboek, and bumped into the perfect shoes. I tried to resist, but when i noted they had a violet lining i had to shriek. 

Tadaa! 

Löysin neljän vuoden epäaktiivisen etsiskelyn päätteeksi järkevät kävelykengät gööttikirpulta
Kuinka huonolta gootilta näytänkään, kun paljastan, että on ekat Demoniat ikinä :D

Demonia Trump 101. I've never owned Demonias before, so i was a bit apprehensive about them, but when i opened the packet, i found happiness. 
Comfortable, and pretty, and the detailed finish proved why Demonias are so costly. 
Sizing was a bit off, though... my foot's 36,5, and the shoe, in size 37, is a perfect fit :D 

Ihanat kengät <3
Ja pulleat kintut, mutta aina ei voi voittaa :D
So. 
We're having a party tonight. 
Husband made an album and he's publishing it today. 
I sang on three of the songs, so i iz a wee bit frightened. 
Haven't put myself out there as a singer in a long long time... making stuff on my own's different, 'cause... well, i don't sing, i make sounds :D 
Anyways, must, like, clean up house and make treats and put pretty dress on. 
I'm thinking violet :D

EDIT: Didn't wear violet. Settled on my fav skirt and an H&M blouse. No pics, since nobody wanted to take photos :'( 
Here's hubby's album, though

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Horror Week: Essence of Terror



Horror. 
Zombies and monsters and ghouls, oh my. 
We watch humans dressed as vampires drink fake-blood on TV.  
We prepare ourselves for a zombie-apocalypse by painting our faces and lurching down the streets. 
We laugh in the face of death on Halloween. 

Horror is often translated to scary movies, but that's not all there is. 
Horror flicks have a tendency of resorting to the "got you!"-thing: they make you scream, jump, throw your popcorn in the air and laugh at your fright, but can they make you think?

Sure, I've stayed up a few nights, or slept with the lights on a couple of times after seeing an especially scary movie. 
Sometimes they do have what it takes to make you shiver. 
Paranormal Activity did that to me, and Blair Witch Project still scares me when I walk alone in the dark. 
But when it comes to the psycholocical value of fear, I think the written word has what it takes to really bake your noodle. 

Steve'O once said that reading horror is a way of preparing for death. 
I think that's what all sorts of horror is meant to do: to prepare you for the inevitable moment in your life when you stand face to face with death, and realize that sooner or later you're going to have to go there. 
To take it's hand, and leave this all behind. 
To die.

Death is what scares us the most. 

We all will one day die. 
Our loved ones will one day die. 

I've only written one novel that can be stamped with the label "horror". 
The Mousetrap. 
Writing it gave me a chance to face my deepest fears, and that's what any good horror movie or book will do. 
It will take your hand, and pull it in, underneath the blanket, and make you touch the icky stuff. 
It'll make you look the ghoul in the face, so to speak, make you face the horror of sickness, mutilation, torture. 
It will make you taste the pain, and truly accept it. 
It could happen to you, after all, any day now. 
Any second of any day you could end up in a car crash, and while you lay there, helpless in a puddle of blood, you see bystanders ogling at you like you were the leaning tower of Pisa. 

without the threat of death there's no reason to live at all
- marilyn manson

Death, I think, is what it all comes down to. 
Death is the essence of horror, and the essence of life. 
It can push you, make you do things you never thought you could do. 
It can make you fight for the things you love. 

If life was eternal, you wouldn't have the guts to go bungee-jumping or mountain biking. 
If life was eternal, would you dare take the risks that will push you into bettering yourself? 

Mothers tell their teen-aged kids they shouldn't watch horror movies of read scary books 'cause they will give them nightmares. 

I say they're wrong. 

Nightmares are what makes us sleep better. 
If you think I'm wrong, remember the last time you had a really bad dream. 
The time when you woke up sweating, your heart beating in your throat, and you had to turn on the lights to see everything was a-OK. 
After that dream, you slept like a baby. 
Why? 
'Cause you remembered what it was like to die. 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

September 1 Theme: Someone Special



My husband came from the internet. 

We both hung out at a Finnish site for indie and UG-musicians. 
We listened to each other's projects, liked them, started talking, and became internet friends. 

After awhile, we got to talking about dating, and i said i'd go out with him. 
It took him a long time to reply, and when he did, he sounded really surprised, asking me if i was serious. 
I said hell yeah, i'd go out with you, and we made a date. 

Getting dressed was a right pain. 
He'd told me to wear flat shoes, so that he could see how tiny i was :D

Finding a parking place was even more difficult. 
I was fifteen minutes late, and i was sure he'd decided i wasn't coming, and left. 

Not seeing him there was a right scare. 

But he'd just gone up the stairs to check i hadn't slipped by him :) 

The first thing he said to me was "neiti Pahis, oletan". 
I couldn't come up with a clever response, 'cause he was so cute <3 

Later, he said he'd thought i was so totally out of his league. 
I told him i'd thought the exact same thing, only the opposite way :D

He'd brought me chocolate, too, 'cause he knew i was a chocoholic. 

We went to have dinner, and the conversation was a bit slow, but not uncomfortable. 
We're both a bit quiet. 

After, we went to a bar, which, surprisingly, was both our favorite. 
Surprisingly, since we lived far apart. 

A friend of his joined us, and told us he was going to go see Swallow the Sun @ Lutakko. 
We decided to go, too. 

The first date was magic, and we got engaged about a month later. 
He wanted to wait a whole year before getting wed, just to see if it would last. 
And it did. 
We got married on June 29, 2007. 

the ceremony took about a minute and a half
after, we had a few friends over
we hadn't told them what we were up to, and they got a big surprise when seeing a "just married"-sign on our door :D

He plays many instruments. 
Including the bass, though his main thing is the guitar. 
And he plays well, though he doesn't realize it himself. 

spice girls totally rock \../

He used to play in the BoneFleshDolls. 
They went different ways last fall, but i think they'll eventually get back together, in one way or the other. 
After all, it's not a band. 
It's a family. 

inside jokes are the best
there's a long story behind that bottle of Smirnoff XD

That's the bonefleshbox he's sitting on. 
I almost fit inside it. 

featuring kirkkovenes

He likes to fish, and roam the forests. 
Last summer, he caught a really big fish. 
Ate it, too. 
Cooked, though, not raw. 

this is husband in his element
if he had his way, he'd live with the nature, on it's terms
sadly, i need modern comforts
He's really good with the camera. 
And, again, he doesn't realize it himself. 
He's a bit on the modest side. 

sunrise where we live

sunset in the forest

He likes animals, and is very good with them. 
This pic was taken by his ex-girlfriend. 
A bird had flown into a window, and he went out to see if it was okay, and it sat on his hand for moment before flying off. 
I've seen him do this myself. 

He's kind and caring toward those who can't fend for themselves. 

he's doing his david attenborough-thing <3


So that's my husband, the most important person in my world. 
I sometimes feel i don't deserve him. 
After all, i am a right pain in the butt :D