Saturday, May 5, 2012

Stress and Panic and Pressure, oh my

I don't cope that well with stress. It makes me ill. Physically and emotionally ill.
Therefore it's very, very strange that i decided to go into business for myself.

Most people who start up a business have a high level of stress. They cope well with issues with money, marital stress, schedules and working at all hours.

I don't.

Every bit of stress sends me flying up the wall. After a stressing situation, such as a meeting with the nice lady from the job office, i need Me-Time. Lots of Me-Time.

Right now, i cannot understand what possessed me to make this choice. Was it insanity? A spell? Some curse cast over me?
Or did i just fool myself into thinking i'd be happiest doing My Own Thing, working from home, doing whatever i like, whenever i like?
What made me think an entrepeneur has the choice of doing whatever she likes, whenever she likes?
What the hell is wrong with me and why won't someone send me a FairyGodMother to SAVE ME!!!

As you may have gathered, i'm a bit stressed out.

I left my application for start-up money on Monday. Since then, i've been... well, a bit on the edge. I cry over nothing, and i don't usually cry.
Except tears of happiness, but that doesn't count.
I don't like this. Not one bit.
So let's analyse, shall we?

It's not the business that scares me. I like being my own boss, i like challenges, i like it when i have a lot to do.
But right now, i feel like someone else is deciding my life for me. That's the thing that gets me all worked up.
I hope they make their decision quickly so i can start making real plans.

Pressure.
There's good kinds of stress, and there's there's the bad kind of stress. The first makes you work harder, to pursue your goals, to chase your dreams.

The latter makes you lose sleep and cry over nothing and stop eating and lose concentration.

Running a business, to me, seems like the good kind of stress after all. Even if i can't make it, it's my thing. And doing My Thing is the most important thing in my life. It's been that way since i was a kid.

This is starting to get too deep, now isn't it?
Yes it is. Let's look at some pretty dresses for a change.

I love couture. It's been the thing that rules my world for years now. My favourite designer is John Galliano. Which isn't too surprising :D
The thing i love most about couture is the way it allows us to peek into another world, a world of imagination and beauty, a world that never was, but can sometimes be. The way it offers us an escape from the burden of everyday life, a release from the dull greyness of realities.

And all designers love their Goths.

Maria Luisa Black Silk Taffeta Gown by John Galliano for Christian Dior

I would kill to be able to create something like that. This dress is the concentration of my dreams, the essence of beauty for me. The loveliest thing i ever laid eyes upon. 

To me, couture is the play of fabric and fantasy, the marriage between this wolrld, and the other world. Fashion is more than just couture, of course, but to me, couture has always been The Thing. The Lovely Thing. 
The Loveliest Thing. 

I wish i could wear it every day. Don't you?

8.5.2012

 I just found out i qualified for start up money. Stress flew out the window. I don't think i'll be able to sleep tonight. Overly exited, thinking about all the cool things i get to do now. Get a domain and insurances and shop for materials and office supplies (i do love shopping) and Create <3

I haz a happiness nao <3

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