Tuesday, December 18, 2012

F-f-f-freezin'

I'm not really into winter. I get cold really easily, so i pretty much thaw up come August, and melt in May. 
This i forgot on Saturday when we went on a wild shopping-spree. 

Winters have been quite mild lately, with temperatures of -10 Celsius. 
A week ago, though, winter let us have a taste of what cold truly is like. It was -11, which on it's own ain't that bad, like they say in Americaland. But on Saturday, we had a nice little breeze. 
 A blizard of ice, that is. I hardly ever check the weather before i get dressed, so i miscalculated a bit... 
Dress, legwarmers: H&M
Hat: Heather Wielding Original
Scarf: Queen Anne's Lace Scarf (ravlink)


The outfit was nice and comfy for shopping, but outside... i froze to the core before i even got to the car :D 
On days like that i'm super-happy we have our own sauna <3 

Anyways. 
I was on a wicked Christmas-present-hunt, and got everything from the first store. After that, i could concentrate on Me for a change. 
It's been ages since i bought anything for myself... after checking, i can tell it's been, like, at least two weeks :D

I got a new pet. Named him Eduardo, and in the car on the way home, husband started calling him Bastardo :D

He's filled with sand. Eduardo, that is, not husband. He's really heavy and almost looks like a real lizard. 
Which serves as a substitute for getting a real one. I'd like a gecko, and husband wants an iguana, but we don't have the space right now, since Someone is filling the flat with yarn and fabrics and sewing machines... 

Also got myself a book. It's really old, and filled with nice crochet-patterns. I've been looking for something in this department for quite a while now, and was glad to find this one. 
Maybe now i can actually teach myself to design lace, not just follow patterns... :D 

Last but not least, an H&M top. 
I couldn't get the colour right, it's actually violet. 
Cotton with a pretty lace detail in the collar. Really nice, and it's hardly been worn. 
I like wearing tops like this at home: they're comfortable and decent, just in case someone pops around unannounced for coffee or a new dress. 

The lace looks like it's been crocheted by hand, but i don't think it actually has been. Still, it's a very pretty detail. 
Funny how the best tops come from H&M... 

Speaking of which, Mom promised me the best Christmas-prez ever today: she's taking me shopping! Yay! We're spending a few days here, at Mom's and Dad's that is, and she said that since i haven't made a wishlist and she doesn't really know what i'd like or need, she'll just let me go wild at H&M. 
Happiness equals basic tops and a few pairs of tights :D

In other news, my flu has finally passed. The last slob of ectoplasm's still roaming around in between throat and nose, but that's no biggie. I'm healthy again! Wuppee!! 

Monday, December 10, 2012

Achoo

I've been poorly. 
I've had this really persistent flu for, like, at least almost two weeks now. 
I haven't had the energy to do anything, and of course there were tons of things to take care of. 
First, my sister-in-law asked me if i had time to make her a dress. I said of course, and two days later, i woke up with a head full of goo. 
Eww, but whachu gonna do. When you have to work, you have to work. 

So we went... shopping. For fabric, but there were a couple of flea markets close by, and i couldn't resist. Flu or no flu. 

Found a cute top from SPR, and since they had a "take two, pay one"-offer going on, i picked out a skirt, too. 


The skirt was in dreadful condition, the lining was torn, and someone had tried to modify it, and failed miserably. I felt so sorry for the skirt i decided to rescue it. 


I also found some yarn, elastic band and a pink fabric. It's going to be a short skirt, embroidered in black, gathered in the back, maybe with a bit of black tulle. 


Found the fabrics for sis's dress, too, but pics of black and white cotton are a touch boring. Did pick up something, though, i've been in dear need of. 


It's a thimbal!
No more sore fingertips after hand-sewing leather <3 

Going shopping, i felt really ill, as you can see from the obvious lack of make-up. I chose my favorite winter-top, and paired it with a red skirt. 

Top: Lindex, second hand
Skirt: Heather Wielding Original

As if that wasn't enough for a sick woman... the next day, i had an interview for a local newspaper. I cannot recall what i told the lady, my head was swimming so bad :D The story'll probably be out on Thursday... scary. 

So. For the next few days i pretty much just played Oblivion. Like, 12 hrs a day... 
... as mentioned before, i have a bit of an addictive personality. 
Nice game, though. I watched husband play it before, and when i began, i decided not to go the same way he did. He obeyed the law, followed the rules, made a hero, so to speak. 

I went the wicked way <3 


Thursday, November 15, 2012

Love Has a Way of Changing...

Love is a funny thing: you think it'll last forever, to always remain constant, and one day, you look back, and realize the things you loved ten years ago are completely different from the things you love now. 
Sometimes love can change suddenly, with no warning. 
Sometimes the change creeps up on you, though you wish you could just hang on to the love you once had. 

On Saturday, i got to dig deep into my jewelry boxes, and wear anything and everything i wanted. I found things i loved years ago are still things of beauty and meaning for me, and decided to take this opportunity to wear them, and showcase them here. 

Husband gave me this collar. It was actually my engagement present. The wrist band i got from a salvation army flea market. They go together nicely, and as i was putting them on on the morning of my wedding day, husband's best man said he'd never-ever seen a bride wear anything like that before. 


I used to wear a tangle of silver chains on my left wrist, but as sewing took up more and more of my time, i gave them up. Getting myself caught up in fabric was not fun... This simple band had pretty much replaced the chains. It's big and chunky, and though it's not silver, i like the look and feel of it. 


I was born under the sign of the Snake. At one point, i was considering getting a snake tattoo around my left arm. 
These silver serpents are Creek, both gifts from my sister. 


Engagement and wedding bands should have a deep, special meaning, a story behind them. They should look like the couple, representing their souls. 
Ours are modest, simple silver bands. 
I didn't want gold and diamonds. It seemed wrong to me, to have a symbol of love and commitment measured in terms of money. 
Silver is more fitting. It's round shape is like love, everlasting, never-ending, enduring and humble. 


With love, walks life. 
To the Egyptian, the Ankh was a symbol of life. 
The Ankh is the key to open the door behind which the secret of life is hidden, they said. 


Love is a strange, funny thing, ever-changing, everlasting. 

I remember the first time i heard of Katatonia. 
We had just started trying out living together, husband and i, and he was teaching me how to play Heroes of Might and Magic III. He put on a CD, and it was Viva Emptiness. 
It took me a while to learn to like it, it had this vibe of death and loneliness i couldn't handle straight away. Soon, it grew on me, so to speak, and it's still one of my favorites. 

I've been gagging to see them Live for years now, and on Saturday, 10.11.2012, it finally happened. 

Satin skirt and corselet: Heather Wielding Originals
mesh top: UFF
Since i didn't much care for the new stuff, Dead End Kings and Night is the New Day, i had mentally prepared myself for a humongous disappointment. It was a good thing i had... i didn't get to hear my favorites, and the whole gig was a bit sterile for my taste. Not bad, but... well, no magic. It was like watching Sara after they decided to sell their souls along with their distortion pedals, and make pop. 
I had hoped Katatonia would take us away to that wondrous land called music-coma, but there was no bliss. Omerta tried to open the door, but for the most part, it remained closed. 

Love, still, remains. I don't think i'll ever stop loving Viva Emptiness. There's something so deliciously creepy about the atmosphere of the album, something that claims the muses of all creation were there when it was born. 

The gig left me sad, somehow. 

when all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams, will be destroyed

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Sunday's outfit, Tuesdays woes

So. 
On Sunday, we went to Mother-in-law's for dinner. After being super-purdy all Saturday, i didn't feel like going all out, clothes-wise. I chose my favourite skirt, an H&M blouse, and a David&Goliat-tee i got from England-land ages ago. Not my usual outfit, a bit too casual for my frilly taste, but it was ok. 

sunnuntaina piti käydä anoppilassa syömässä
lauantaisen kauneusmaratonin jälkeen teki mieli laittaa mukavat vaatteet
päälle eksyi miun suosikkihame, H&Mn paitis sekä david&gotliathin teeppari'
vähän oli liiankin casual
I got sick of my old favourite bag, so i made a new one a while back. It's clutch-like, but there's a strap for carrying. A bit small, but fits wallet, keys, lipstick and cell, so it's good for going to the grocery store. But on longer shopping trips... well, let's just say i'm in need of a bigger one :D 

askartelin entisen suosikkilaukun tilalle uuden
miksikö? nokun soli ruma
uusi on vähän pieni, pitää hankkia isompi sille kaveriksi
 Since i had a bit of a hangover, i was pale as a ghost. 
Last time Mom saw me with a hangover, she first said "you look really pale", and i was like "thanks mom, that's the nicest thing you said to me in a long time", but she continued with "when was the last time you checked your hemoglobin" before i could utter a word. I was mighty ticked off, so i decided never to leave the house again without makeup. 

A touch of white shadow above the iris makes tired eyes look brighter. Black mascara is a given, and red lipstick makes you want to smile. 

meikkasinkin
valkoinen luomiväri piristää kummasti krapulaisia silmiä, ja punainen huulipuna houkuttelee hymyilemään
pieniä juttuja piristämään päivää :) 
So. Today i started editing the material gathered on Saturday, and i was not pleased. The totally hyper-cool Thing i had planned in my head totally fell on it's rear-end. I hate it when that happens... 
Anyways, must give it another go someday, right now i'm just going to watch Once Upon a Time, knit my shawl (which will probably fail just as miserably as the Thing) and mope. Dramatically! 

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Busy Saturday

So on Wednesday i made the sort of mistake i sometimes make. A silly little one, nothing to worry about, just something that throws me off my game for a while. Sometimes good things come out of these mishaps, i'm hoping that's the case with this one, too. 

On Wednesday, husband went to bed early. We usually go to bed at the same time, and take his laptop with so we can watch an episode or two of whatever series we're currently watching. When i'm left behind, i usually read, or pick out a chick-flick, like NBK or Fight Club :D

On Wednesday, i decided to give Once Upon a Time a go. 

So, since Wednesday i've been watching Once Upon a Time, and if i haven't been watching Once Upon a Time, i've been thinking about watching Once Upon a Time. I've gotten absolutely, positively nothing done all week :D 
Except a pair of socks and mitts, since i can't watch TV without knitting. 

havaitsin keskiviikkona, että on toi once upon a time ihan sillee  ok
on pitänyt vahdata siinä määrin aktiivisesti, etten oo saanut aikaan juuri muuta kuin parin sukkia ja lapasia

Lucky they've only made one and a half seasons so far... otherwise i'd be in deep trouble. 

Anyways. Halloween is coming, and, watching Once Upon a Time, i figured i'd give a new idea a go. I don't want to tell yet what it is, but it included me outside looking like this. 

lauantaina piti tehdä juttu, jonka toivon valmistuvan Halloweeniksi
piti loikkia ulkona-pihalla kumman näköisenä
kaikkea sitä

Funfilled day ;D
I also got to roll around in the snow a bit. 
Yes, winter has come. Snow everywhere. I'm hoping it'll stay on the ground... it's so pretty when everything is white and sparkly <3 

So, after the fun with snow and make-up was over, we went over to our neighbours' to eat and have a few drinks. 
I wore a dress i recently made, but haven't had the chance to show. 

lauantaina käytiin myös naapurissa syömässä ja juomassa
päälle pääsi vastikään valmistunut mekko, joka ei yllättäin ole musta
oli outo olo

It's not black. Which made me feel... strange. I haven't worn anything that bright since i was on second grade :D
The dress is viscose jersey, it's got puff-sleeves and a gap in the neck. My design, it's going to be a part of my "made-to-measure"- section once i get that sorted on my website. 
One more thing to distract me from Dragons... 
Anyways. Dress. Orange dress. 

The high collar has button closure in the back, and underneath, a gap. Since the dress is quite simple, and covers you from neck to toe to wrist, i wanted to add a playful way to show some skin. 

mekon niskassa on aukko ja napitus
mekko kokonaisuudessaan pääsee verkkokaupan "mittojen mukaan"-osastoon, kunhan jossain vaiheessa saan moisen askarreltua
aikaavievää hommaa toi koodaaminenkin

So. Now i should get dressed (again!) and finish my coffee and go to mother-in-law's house for dinner, but i really just want to stay in my jammies, and watch Once Upon a Time and knit :D

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Roll out those lazy, crazy hazy days of...

I had a bit of a "bad day" Y-day. 

I got an order a while back, on an outfit consisting of a puff-sleeved blouse, waist corselet, and a skirt. Black skirt. So i ordered fabrics in, and got quite antsy when the shipment was slow. 
Finally, the fabrics came, leaving me eight days for sewing. 
Not bad. 
So i washed the fabrics, made the corselet, and took Sunday off. 
On Monday, i woke up at 1pm, did a bit of writing, took out the fabrics, and got the nastiest surprise in a long time. 

tasan ei käyneet onnenlahjat maanantaina
tilasin asiakasta varten mustaa puuvillaa
puuvilla oli luonnonvalossa tummansinistä, enkä huomannut sitä ennenkuin viisi päivää ennen deadlinea

It was blue. Dark blue. 
I was not happy. 

meni naama ruttuun

So, whatchu gonna do. 
Sent out an email to the company who sent me blue fabric instead of black, and they replied, saying they'd replace it with a correct one. 
Nice, but i needed it NAO. 
So i told husband we have to go, GO NAO, SHOP! (my vocabulary drops dramatically when i panic :D ) 

We hopped on the trusty steed, and raced to the nearest fabric store. Which is 50 km away. 
At this point, it was 3:15pm, and i didn't know how long the store stayed open. 

ei ollut paljoa vaihtoehtoja
vaatteet päälle ja lähimpään kangaskauppaan
audilla
ei, sonkin nissani
 I got what i needed, and thought, since i figured my client would need compensation (for what? situation handled, and she need not know a thing, only i didn't realize it in the fit of crazy panic-shopping), i'd also pick up material for a lining, plus a bit of red tulle. 

kangaskaupasta löytyi tarvittava
lisäksi mukaan lähti kangas alushameeseen, ja pala punaista tylliä
huh
 On the way, we stopped at a flea-market. 
I found a pretty ring. 
For fifty cents. 

matkan varrella oli kirppa
kirpalla oli kiva sormus
nyt on HWlla kiva sormus :)

There was another flea-market there, too. 
Of course we had to go there. 
And of course they had the exact fabric i needed, and had already bought. 
Couldn't leave it there, though. 
There's always use for black cotton! :D

oli toinenkin kirppa, SPRn kirppa
kirpalla oli juurikin sitä kangasta jota lähdin hakemaan :D

So at first i was, like, huh? 
olin että häh
 And then i was, like, yay! 
sitten alkoi naurattaa

Made the blouse after dinner. 
Turned out nice, and it was nice to make, too. 

ruuan jälkeen oli vielä aikaa ommella asiakkaan paita

On the way to the shops, husband said it was good that the roads weren't yet icy, since he hadn't had time to put winter tyres on. 
This morning, when i woke up (at 10), i saw winter had come. 

sanoi mies matkalla, että hyvä kun ei ollut tiet jäässä, on meinaan kesäkiekot vielä alla
aamulla kun heräsin, oli talvi tullut
PS.
Today is Wednesday, and i finished the outfit Y-day. 
Client just popped by to pick it up. She tried it on, and it was perfect <3
I love it when i get to see i made someone happy <3 <3 <3

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Panic Disorder

Don't think i've mentioned this before. 
It's not something i don't like sharing, it's just a petty thing that seems to fade from the way of more important issues. 
Such as shopping. 
Haven't been shopping lately, other than fabric, so i though i'd share my story. 
Maybe it'll help someone who's tackling the same problem. 

Panic disorder. 

I was diagnosed at age 23. I went to the ER with what i thought was heart-failure due to anemia. After a series of blood tests and EKGs they sent me home saying there was nothing wrong with me other than my potassium level being a bit low. Have a banana, they said, and be merry. 

So i went home, feeling nauseous, lightheaded, faint and, in general, horrible. I had palpations, shortness of breath, plus my left arm was going numb. It was really not that nice, but it seemed to come and go, fade at times, and then become stronger. 
So i slept, and then i got to thinking. 
It was my "boyfriend" (very difficult relationship, even worse break-up, glad it's over) who first suggested the idea of something being wrong with my head. 

I googled, and it didn't take me long to find the good old "do you have a panic disorder"-test. I took it, and scored really high. Which gave me the courage to call the doctor, and make an appointment. 
The doctor made me take the same test, and said yes, it does seem like you've got it. 
It was huge relief. 

Sadly, the doctor wanted to treat me with antidepressants. Most times, they give good results in treating panic disorder. In my case, though, the pills took away my will to create, and since being able to Make Stuff is pretty much the reason i live, it was a bit of a bad choice. 

Anyways. Besides the meds, i got sent to a shrink. It was for a short term conversational therapy, and i was really apprehensive about it. I studied psychology in school (lukio? high-school? never got to figuring out the correct translation) and i didn't like it how psychology categorizes people. We are too different to be bunched up the way the science of the mind likes to do. 

I went, still, and it turned out to help me a whole lot. 
The shrink was a woman who'd dealt with a lot of patients just like me, and she knew what to say and what to do and what to look at. She taught me basic survival techniques, and made me realize this isn't going to kill me. After seeing her twice, she told me i was fine, and call her if i need help. 

I never called her. Seeing her the two times made me that much stronger. 
I tossed the antidepressants after a year. My doctor was a bit ticked at me... 

After that, i've coped with panic disorder without medication. It's better for me, but i don't recommend it without hesitation. Mine's a mild case, i've never been a free-floater, attack-wise. I start getting panic attacks when i'm really stressed out, or feeling poorly. There's always a reason for my attacks, but in most cases, they come and go as they please, regardless of situation. That's why i don't want anyone following my choice of zero-meds. 

So. Tricks and advice which has helped me. Most of this comes from the nice head-doctor i saw. 

1. Panic attacks cannot kill you. You're not going to die. You might hyperventilate and faint, but die, no. Realize it, and living with this thing gets a lot easier. 

2. When you feel an attack coming, try to take yourself away from the situation. Find something nice to look at, something cool to think about. Get up, go to the kitchen, have a drink of water. If you're shopping, you can hide in a household supplies section of any store, those are often quiet, and clerks don't bother you there. The main thing is to kill it before it grows. Don't let the budding attack get into a big one. 

3. Eliminate stress. There's two kinds of stress, yes, and you need some to keep your life in balance, but the bad kind of stress will make you have more attacks. So get rid of it. Be selfish, think about what you want to do. 

4. Eating can get difficult with panic disorder. It did for me. I went for days without eating, and that only made everything worse. So if you're not feeling like eating, or are afraid of eating making you feel nauseous, you can trick yourself with yogurt and soups. And don't forget to drink. Three pints of water every day. Dehydration will make you feel sick, and that will feed the panic attacks. Trust me. This i know. 

5. Talk about it. Don't hide it, like i did for a long time. My parents still don't know about this, but everyone else does. You don't have to announce it to the world, just casually mention it sometime. That way you don't have to be afraid of having a panic attack in the presence of friends. If everyone knows about it, it's not a secret, and that takes one more worry from your mind. 

6. Accept it. If you have a panic disorder, or any disorder of the mind, it's there, and it's a part of you, and you can't run from it. You don't have to love it, but accepting it will help in the healing process. 

7. Exercise. You don't have to pump iron seven days a week, just don't bury yourself in the sofa. Take a walk sometimes, go dancing, try ice-skating or swimming. It'll make your body stronger, make you feel better, safer in your own skin. Remember that getting out of breath won't kill you, either. 

So there. Mine story. I hope it can help someone. 


Monday, October 8, 2012

Saturday-night whachumacallit

Been a touch on the busy side again... my living room looks like a fabric-bomb went off :D 
Not complaining, though. Being busy means work, and work means i get to shop 'til i drop <3 

Which is basically pretty much what i've been doing... made an order to Uncle-Yves, despite the racket about animal testing. I like the brand, and the products, and i ain't going back to stinky shower gels and icky make-up just because a bunny may or may not suffer. 

So. 
Got lipstick. 
I ran out of plum, and despite my best efforts to find a matching one (went to one shop, and gave up), i couldn't come up with one. So i took what Yves Rocher had to offer. 
It's not the deep, moody plum i was hoping for, but a lighter shade with pink undertones. In the case, it looks dreadfully girly, but the tone changed a bit after applying. 

piti ostaa uutta huulipunaa
SetäYves to the rescue! 

 I don't wear much make-up... which pretty much destroys my hopes of doing a make-up post :D 
Anyways. 
We went out on Saturday, to check out a friends' cover band, Nancy's Bootleg. It was OK, golden oldies pretty much. Great fun when a bit tipsy, but not the sort you listen to at home. 

So i got a chance to try the new lippy on. 
Look how beautifully i trail off the subject... 
No foundation. As usual. I can't find the right shade, plus i have a tendency of rubbing my forehead when i have to concentrate on what i'm saying. So me wearing foundation would result in a huge mess before i even got out the door :D 

Eye-shadow i like, though. 
On Saturday, i made a pink smoky-eye. I like the way shades of pink and purple work with blue eyes, making them look sick and alluring at the same time... 
I've never been the sort to go with heavy, gothic make-up, though i love the way it looks. I just can't pull it off myself. 
... and this look is much easier when living in a small town. No-one is intimidated by it. 

käytän harvoin raskasta meikkiä
huulipuna-ripsiväri-combo riittää useimpina päivinä

I was even brave enough to wear earrings. 
From afar, they look like goat's heads, but they're really fat li'l cupids :P 

läskit pienet enkelit <3

 After a long day of sewing (finished work @ 7pm!!) i didn't feel like making a spectacle of myself, especially since we were going to a small bar in a small town where everyone knows each other, except me. 
I picked out a simple long skirt, and paired it with a mesh top and a corselet. 
And a strapless bra, way to go me! 
No-one looked at me funny. Which was nice. 

skirt, corselet: Heather Wielding Originals
shoes: chopped from old boots, decorated with lace and old earrings :D
meshtop: UFF

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Today. Tomorrow. Past Tense.

10 Years Ago... 
Unhappy me. 
Broken, lost and lonely. 
Dreamless, hopeless, in ruins. 
Wrote the first draft of the Witch Hunt. 
Tried to survive the wreckage of a band and a relationship. 

5 Years Ago... 
Lived in Jyväskylä. 
First year as a Wife. 
Life was good. 
Slow, but good. 
Flat was too small, though :D

3 Years Ago... 
Empty, meaningless life @ Tampere. 
A ghost to everyone, invisible, faceless. 
Memories of that time are vague now, like traces of a dream you start forgetting the moment you wake up. 
A small flat, non-stop noise, kitchen the size of a stamp. 
Too many bars, too many cold-hearted people. 

1 Year Ago... 
Was spending my first autumn in the country, loving every breath. 
Well, almost... the unemployment office tried to force me into taking a useless, pointless waste-of-time-course, and i had to tell them to back off, i iz going into business for myself. 
Made a lot of plans. 
Started getting a degree, my first ever. 
Did a lot of shopping :D

This Year... 
Started my business
Did a lot of sewing. 
Realized i suck at marketing :D
Cut my hair short to get to my own color faster. 
Made many, many new friends <3

Yesterday I... 
Sewed violet fake-fur. 
Did the hoovering after :D
Had a sauna. 
Went out to have a smoke late at night, heard something moving in the bushes, and ran back inside :D 
Slept in clean sheets <3

Today I... 
Made myself a new kimono
Ate too much cheese. 
Had a sauna, again. 
Came up with the best jewelry-idea ever. 
Watched the rain fall outside, outlined by a lamp it's like a rain of diamonds <3

Tomorrow I will... 
Make myself banana bread for breakfast. 
Try out the best jewelry-idea ever ;D
Write? Probably. 
Start reading Sinuhe. Again. 
Hang out on the interweb and make myself a nice dinner. Quality time home alone, since hubby's at school :D

The Day After Tomorrow... 
Friday? I'll have to decide whether to go to sister's place or not. 
If we'll go, i'll play with the best kid ever. 
Watch Teletubbies with her. 
Have a sauna, maybe. 
Be in charge of being in everybody's way :D

One Year From Now... 
I'll still be doing what i love best: writing and sewing and eating too much cheese. Hopefully, successfully. 
I guess I'll still be living in the countryside. 
I'm not one for making long term plans. 
My plans have a tendency of turning out pear-shaped. 
Come what may, i'll take it, and make the best of it <3

Found this challenge on Insanity's blog
Take it. 
Think. 
Don't hurt yourself <3

Saturday, September 22, 2012

101

I've been thinking a lot about blogging lately. 
I got new readers (welcome new readers), and that sent me wondering if i'm, like, any good at this. 
If only self-esteem came in boxes like wine, and you could just pick one up at the corner store, take it home, and have a glass of it while watching TV... 

Anyways, as thinking usually gets me in trouble, i decided to quit, and just continue like nothing happened. 
Business as usual, that is, lots of talk about me with no pics :D 

So. 
I've started to like violet all of a sudden. 
I've bought two tops in violet, made a shrug and a dress, and another dress, and then i realized i wanted my nails violet, too. 
So i took what was left of blue and red varnish, and poured the blue in with the red. 
I actually had a dream of doing it :D 
Didn't turn out violet. I got plum. 
Plum's OK, but it ain't violet. 

Kaiken pitää yhtäkkiä olla violettia
Sekoitin sinisen ja punaisen kynsilakan jämät saadakseni violettia, mutta lakka jäi luumunpunaiseksi
Voe voe, sano
Pitää ostaa violettia

The latter dress i made from an old shirt i found at a flea market. It was velvet, with a floral print, and i couldn't resist. 
When sewing for myself, i often upcycle. Pick up discarded clothes and turn them into something completely different. Not because it's a way of trying to help the environment, but because it's fun. An outlet to my artistic needs, so to speak. 
(story of the dress can be found here)

Speaking of art, i've managed to find time to write in between my strives of painting the world violet. Dragons soar the skies, and this morning, i think i saw an old friend on the pages of the book. 
Strange how that happens sometimes... you start a book, write the first 20K, and realize that even though you thought you were in a new place, the scenery's familiar. And then you bump into someone you thought you left behind when you closed the last book. 
It's funny, writing, like looking into a dream half-forgotten, reaching into a world you know is there, but you just can't find a way in. Falling through a rabbit-hole, that's what it's like, and underneath, a wonderland awaits, only you never stop falling. 

So. 
Been shopping. I do that sometimes XD 
Anyways. 
Been looking for sensible walking shoes since my Horseflies fell apart four years ago. I wanted a bit of heel, a chunky sole, and platform. 
You'd think shoes like that are quick to find, but i'm picky. And busy. I don't want to waste time hunting something down, i want it to Come To Me. 
These babies Came To Me <3 
I was leafing through Goottikirppis @ faceboek, and bumped into the perfect shoes. I tried to resist, but when i noted they had a violet lining i had to shriek. 

Tadaa! 

Löysin neljän vuoden epäaktiivisen etsiskelyn päätteeksi järkevät kävelykengät gööttikirpulta
Kuinka huonolta gootilta näytänkään, kun paljastan, että on ekat Demoniat ikinä :D

Demonia Trump 101. I've never owned Demonias before, so i was a bit apprehensive about them, but when i opened the packet, i found happiness. 
Comfortable, and pretty, and the detailed finish proved why Demonias are so costly. 
Sizing was a bit off, though... my foot's 36,5, and the shoe, in size 37, is a perfect fit :D 

Ihanat kengät <3
Ja pulleat kintut, mutta aina ei voi voittaa :D
So. 
We're having a party tonight. 
Husband made an album and he's publishing it today. 
I sang on three of the songs, so i iz a wee bit frightened. 
Haven't put myself out there as a singer in a long long time... making stuff on my own's different, 'cause... well, i don't sing, i make sounds :D 
Anyways, must, like, clean up house and make treats and put pretty dress on. 
I'm thinking violet :D

EDIT: Didn't wear violet. Settled on my fav skirt and an H&M blouse. No pics, since nobody wanted to take photos :'( 
Here's hubby's album, though

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Horror Week: Essence of Terror



Horror. 
Zombies and monsters and ghouls, oh my. 
We watch humans dressed as vampires drink fake-blood on TV.  
We prepare ourselves for a zombie-apocalypse by painting our faces and lurching down the streets. 
We laugh in the face of death on Halloween. 

Horror is often translated to scary movies, but that's not all there is. 
Horror flicks have a tendency of resorting to the "got you!"-thing: they make you scream, jump, throw your popcorn in the air and laugh at your fright, but can they make you think?

Sure, I've stayed up a few nights, or slept with the lights on a couple of times after seeing an especially scary movie. 
Sometimes they do have what it takes to make you shiver. 
Paranormal Activity did that to me, and Blair Witch Project still scares me when I walk alone in the dark. 
But when it comes to the psycholocical value of fear, I think the written word has what it takes to really bake your noodle. 

Steve'O once said that reading horror is a way of preparing for death. 
I think that's what all sorts of horror is meant to do: to prepare you for the inevitable moment in your life when you stand face to face with death, and realize that sooner or later you're going to have to go there. 
To take it's hand, and leave this all behind. 
To die.

Death is what scares us the most. 

We all will one day die. 
Our loved ones will one day die. 

I've only written one novel that can be stamped with the label "horror". 
The Mousetrap. 
Writing it gave me a chance to face my deepest fears, and that's what any good horror movie or book will do. 
It will take your hand, and pull it in, underneath the blanket, and make you touch the icky stuff. 
It'll make you look the ghoul in the face, so to speak, make you face the horror of sickness, mutilation, torture. 
It will make you taste the pain, and truly accept it. 
It could happen to you, after all, any day now. 
Any second of any day you could end up in a car crash, and while you lay there, helpless in a puddle of blood, you see bystanders ogling at you like you were the leaning tower of Pisa. 

without the threat of death there's no reason to live at all
- marilyn manson

Death, I think, is what it all comes down to. 
Death is the essence of horror, and the essence of life. 
It can push you, make you do things you never thought you could do. 
It can make you fight for the things you love. 

If life was eternal, you wouldn't have the guts to go bungee-jumping or mountain biking. 
If life was eternal, would you dare take the risks that will push you into bettering yourself? 

Mothers tell their teen-aged kids they shouldn't watch horror movies of read scary books 'cause they will give them nightmares. 

I say they're wrong. 

Nightmares are what makes us sleep better. 
If you think I'm wrong, remember the last time you had a really bad dream. 
The time when you woke up sweating, your heart beating in your throat, and you had to turn on the lights to see everything was a-OK. 
After that dream, you slept like a baby. 
Why? 
'Cause you remembered what it was like to die. 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

September 1 Theme: Someone Special



My husband came from the internet. 

We both hung out at a Finnish site for indie and UG-musicians. 
We listened to each other's projects, liked them, started talking, and became internet friends. 

After awhile, we got to talking about dating, and i said i'd go out with him. 
It took him a long time to reply, and when he did, he sounded really surprised, asking me if i was serious. 
I said hell yeah, i'd go out with you, and we made a date. 

Getting dressed was a right pain. 
He'd told me to wear flat shoes, so that he could see how tiny i was :D

Finding a parking place was even more difficult. 
I was fifteen minutes late, and i was sure he'd decided i wasn't coming, and left. 

Not seeing him there was a right scare. 

But he'd just gone up the stairs to check i hadn't slipped by him :) 

The first thing he said to me was "neiti Pahis, oletan". 
I couldn't come up with a clever response, 'cause he was so cute <3 

Later, he said he'd thought i was so totally out of his league. 
I told him i'd thought the exact same thing, only the opposite way :D

He'd brought me chocolate, too, 'cause he knew i was a chocoholic. 

We went to have dinner, and the conversation was a bit slow, but not uncomfortable. 
We're both a bit quiet. 

After, we went to a bar, which, surprisingly, was both our favorite. 
Surprisingly, since we lived far apart. 

A friend of his joined us, and told us he was going to go see Swallow the Sun @ Lutakko. 
We decided to go, too. 

The first date was magic, and we got engaged about a month later. 
He wanted to wait a whole year before getting wed, just to see if it would last. 
And it did. 
We got married on June 29, 2007. 

the ceremony took about a minute and a half
after, we had a few friends over
we hadn't told them what we were up to, and they got a big surprise when seeing a "just married"-sign on our door :D

He plays many instruments. 
Including the bass, though his main thing is the guitar. 
And he plays well, though he doesn't realize it himself. 

spice girls totally rock \../

He used to play in the BoneFleshDolls. 
They went different ways last fall, but i think they'll eventually get back together, in one way or the other. 
After all, it's not a band. 
It's a family. 

inside jokes are the best
there's a long story behind that bottle of Smirnoff XD

That's the bonefleshbox he's sitting on. 
I almost fit inside it. 

featuring kirkkovenes

He likes to fish, and roam the forests. 
Last summer, he caught a really big fish. 
Ate it, too. 
Cooked, though, not raw. 

this is husband in his element
if he had his way, he'd live with the nature, on it's terms
sadly, i need modern comforts
He's really good with the camera. 
And, again, he doesn't realize it himself. 
He's a bit on the modest side. 

sunrise where we live

sunset in the forest

He likes animals, and is very good with them. 
This pic was taken by his ex-girlfriend. 
A bird had flown into a window, and he went out to see if it was okay, and it sat on his hand for moment before flying off. 
I've seen him do this myself. 

He's kind and caring toward those who can't fend for themselves. 

he's doing his david attenborough-thing <3


So that's my husband, the most important person in my world. 
I sometimes feel i don't deserve him. 
After all, i am a right pain in the butt :D